Saturday, October 4, 2008

Maybe for someone you KNOW?????

A "very" nice man contacted me on FACEDBOOK to give me some "help" with a bunch of things!!!! It turns out I can't "actually" be HELPED, but I fig'red some of my LOYAL READERS may have need of being "serviced" by this nice man! Let me know and I'll "hook" you up!!!!
-Melvin "Mel" Zdarsky!


Aron Glenford Airall
April 29 at 12:52pm
Report Message

Hi Melvin,
Nice to meet you and thanks for the add (no pun intended). How are you doing? Am looking to help fulfill a need, improved health, well-being, quality of life or helping people make money, save money, get out of debt, and provide people with an opportunity to run their own office. If this is not of interest to you or someone you love, am sorry to intrude. Take care!

Melvin Zdarsky
April 29 at 12:58pm

Wow!!! HOw are you able to do all that??? I am 79 years old so I can "always" use more money and better health!!! LOL!!!

Aron Glenford Airall
April 29 at 1:24pm
Report Message
Anything is possible with God Melvin! Let's start with your health first Melvin. How are you doing? Don't feel like running 5km? Got something for you. Our mission is to help you achieve wellness naturally and get you well inside out with chiropractic, and also to help those who are needlessly suffering. Chiropractic has never been about back or neck pain. The questions to ask Melvin are:
Do you believe that your body is functioning at 100%? How long do you want to live? What quality of life? You are going to make health care choices Melvin. The choice that you make tonight will impact you and your family for years to come. Research shows that patients under Network Care reported significant improvements in overall health, well-being, and quality of life.

Chiropractic Health Associates is offering an initial examination
and two follow-up appointments (valued at $155) for only $40
for the first 10 people with this ad until April 30.

No medical referral is necessary
In health,

Aron Glenford Airall
April 29 at 1:25pm
Report Message
As for wealth Melvin,
Ever thought of running your own business and being your own boss? We will provide you with training. No financial degree or background is necessary be your own boss at Primerica Financial Services. The only qualifications you need to have is that you have leadership skills, be a "good" person that likes to help people, 9.5 attitude, hard working, and coachable. For more info you can check out our website at and/or if you know any men or women that may be interested. Looking forward to hearing from you soon.

Primerica Financial Services
Primerica Financial Services
Primerica is in the business of changing lives. Our mission is to help families become debt free and financially independent.

Melvin Zdarsky
April 29 at 3:34pm

Jeez Louise! I can't even WALK 5km!!! My nurse has actually told me that my body is "functioning" at 15%, but that's mostly due to my dead arm and my kidney cancer (IN REMISSION!!).

As for running my own business, I can't even imagine!!! I help out with raffles in the neighbourhood, but only for ten minutes at a time (I get SO TIRED!!) I do have $2,000 in savings though. Do you think Primamerica is for me????


Aron Glenford Airall
April 29 at 4:23pm
Report Message
Wow Mel!
For the initial examination it will take about 15 minutes to complete the paperwork. These forms will give us information about your health status. The 1st form is your informed consent form. The 2nd form is your patient privacy consent form. The 3rd, 4th, and 5th forms are your comprehensive health profile. The cost of your initial examination when you come in this week Jeff is valued at $155.00 which consists of a thorough neurological, orthopedic, physical, postural, and spinal examination, looking for subluxations that will cause many unwanted health problems, things that nobody has ever looked for before, and an adjustment done on the same day. Mel, not to mention your second appointment, your report of findings, and second adjustment. You will leave here with a much more comprehensive view of your body and health. Is that O.K Mel?

Aron Glenford Airall
April 29 at 4:26pm
Report Message
Well Mel the first thing to understand is that you are going into the business of changing lives. In order to get you started we need to set-up an interview at our office 951 Wilson Ave Unit 4 (Keele & Wilson) on Wednesday May 7 from 7:00pm-8:30pm or Saturday May 3 from 9:45am-12:30pm. If you qualify or this is of interest to you Mel we will fill out an Independent Business Application for $99 and for an additional $25/month receive our incredible business building support system via full-service Primerica Online. You can work the business anyway you want to as long as it is compliant with the financial services commission of Ontario and Primerica. As for work you will be meeting clients at their homes, your home, the office or anywhere that is conducive to their needs. Outside of that Mell, you will need to be committed to meeting at the office on Wednesday nights from 7:00pm-8:30pm and Saturday mornings from 9:30am-12:30pm. After you sign your independent business application we will set-up an appointment with our Regional Vice President Daniel Pirillo to schedule your training. Payment qualifies you to get your life licensing and securities fees paid for. Training is analogous to an apprenticeship. Daniel is a six figure income earner, so you will be taught by only the best. If you want more information come to the office or you can speak to Daniel Pirillo at the office 416.245.6397. Is that O.K with you Mel?

Melvin Zdarsky
April 29 at 4:49pm

" Wednesday nights from 7:00pm-8:30pm "

Can't do it!!! That's "Wild Wednesdays" here at my SENIORS complex. We have a GREAT spread of wonderful "meats" and I'm in charge of gravying, which may not sound like "much," but I had to wait for Phil Snel to "pass on" in order to get the position and Charlie is itching to grab my "ladel!!" I can;t miss Wednesdays. Besides, I can;t be outside past 8.

I'm terrible with paperowrk! I always let my nephew "Chip" look over everything as he also has my Attorney Power. I will have to let him see these "forms!"


Aron Glenford Airall
April 29 at 10:51pm
Report Message
Sorry to hear that Mel.

Thursday, June 26, 2008

REGIS & KELLY pt 2: Judith Light Goes AWOL

Kelly was in a panic. There was nothing that could calm her down. Gelman brought in all of her 3 kids from school to cheer her up but the show still had to go on. THere were 3 extra kids in the building, but one less Judith Light, who was scheduled to appear shortly on the program. Regis looked bewildered at the row of Who's THe BOss fans sitting adjacent to the worried Gelman. What were they to do?
Just then, the lights went out. You could hear Morgan Freeman and the Chieftains in the dark screaming. The lights came on and Gellman was standing there, dripping wet. But with him, was someone who was there to solve the case. Mona.
From WHo's the BOss.
Mona turned the lights on rapidly. "EVERYONE REMAIN CALM" she belched. Gelman gave her the signal "Commercial break is over in 10 seconds". "Not much time to solve this mystery" Mona bellowed as she went through all the clues. The camera man zoomed into the clues, into their molecule structure, and reported the information to Mona. Into her ear.
"She's at her lovely home in Arizona" MOna whispered, then repeated at top volume. "It was suposed to be a PHONE appearance on regis and KELLY!" She demanded.
Dial tone. Brrrring. Brrrring. "Hello? Judith Ellen Light speaking?"
"We're on in 5, 4, 3...." Gelman proclaimed (by signal).
"Reeg here, we're on the line with our first guest, Who's is That Boss star Tony Danza" Regis Philbin blurted nervously. Kelly Ripa interjected with stamina "Reeg, it's ANgela on the phone, Tony's WHo's the BOss love interest. HI JUDITH" She said as she winked at the off-camera MONA who calmly put the clues in her teal dufflebag, winking at the camera man (who she thought was a hunk). The two would later see each other on and off, but nothing would come of it.
"Regus said" "I got it wrong again!" at which everyone laughe d and said "OOhh Reeeg." Although Kelly was genuinely displeased.

Friday, June 13, 2008

Fan Fiction

The mornings are pretty routine around here but theafternoons leave something to be desired. Namely,some of the good times had in the mornings. I fancy myself an amature writer and have begun a series of fiction stories, which are an extension of one of my favorite porgrams. Mainly it fills the time until the next episode, when I'm really thinking about it but if it turns out that someone else enjoys reading these than I've done two jobs! Thanks for listening

One Life to Live with Regis and Kelly
A Short Story By Charles Fergus

"Gellman!" Where's Gellman?" Regis blurted as he sipped his hot expensive New York coffee. "He's over there" Kelly exclaimed, as she brushed away a badgering make up artist. "You're on the air in 5, 4, 3..." Gellman screamed from a dark corner as the show's memorable theme song precipitated upon the excited audience with vigour. The show was on.
Regis rolled through the "cue" cards and jibbered and jabbered away as usual, often interupted by his long time co-host Kelly Ripa, who seemed to have a never ending supply of annecdotes. At times the two of them were screaming, but it never got too heated. After what seemed like 20 minutes, Regis asked Kelly about the guest line up.
"You're not going to belive this Reej" said Kelly, knowing full well that Regis would believe it. He organized it.
"Judith Light is here. And so is Morgan Freeman. The musical guest is the Chieftains"
"What a line up" said Regis, barely controlling himself from screaming.
The audience went nuts. Everyone was so excited for the rest of the show. It was time for a commercial break. But that is when Gellman delivered the bad news.
"Regis" He signaled with a wave. "Bad news". "Judith Light went AWOL".

Next time: Judith Light goes AWOL

Tuesday, April 29, 2008


(This link is for the "Story")

I don't know much about "Miley Cyrus," because I'm a little outside of her age "demographic!!!!! (LOL!!! I am 78 years old)" BUT, as I opened my copy of the best newspaper in town (yours (Toronto Sun)) today and saw this Vanity Fair "photo" of her I was IMMEDIATELY attracted and felt a very deep stirring for her!! Imagine my surprise when I found out she was only 15 YEARS OLD!!!! The exact same age plus two years of my grandson, Barry!! I was TRICKED by Vanity "Fair" into being attracted to a CHILD which is the "worst" thing I could ever imagine!!

I felt very nauseous but was reassured by Joe Warmington's measured response. As he stated, he is a CLOSE, PERSONAL friend of Miley's father, Bill Ray, and I can only assume that he will send him a TERSE, but FAIR "e-mail" telling him that he is a poor father. It is a shame that legally you can't take kids away from "celebrities," as that is how Drew Barrymore became what she is today (I think you know what I'm "talking" about).

Anyways, I appreciate that you suggested I go to your website, for seventeen CLEANER photos of this cutey girl star!!! Those photos leave something to the imagination and made me realize a little something about the sexualizingation of our "children." By leaving something to my "imagination" you make me have to decide whether or not to do any "imagining," i.e: being a PERVERT. But when you show me pictures where my imagination doesn't need to do ANYTHING and I am ATTRACTED, then it is YOUR fault because you have done the "dirty work" and I have nothing to be ashamed of. Case over.

-Melvin "Mel" Zdarsky

Monday, March 3, 2008

CLOSE CALL: Gravy dangers

Well folks, you haven't heard from us in a few days, but there's a reason. We had a close clal here at "the rez". It involved Melvin's health.
I was planning a hippy-themed party for the residents here and was going through all kinds of bull trying to make it happen. But the staff here said they didn't know about the party and it wasn't okay for me to throw it even after all the work I had started. In protest I decided to see if blogmaster Mel wanted to try some of my velveeta and chex like in the 60s. What I found was a suprise.
Melvin was un-conscious in "his" chair. "Nurse!" I yelled, pressing the nurse button while saying "Nurse!". I knew I had to act fast. I'm no pansy-boy but I knew mouth-to-mouth was what could save Melvin right then and there and that's what I did. But something was. wrong His mouth was caked close with a pasty substance, like so many poly-filled holes in walls of places I once lived.
What had happened was this. Melvin had been eating gravy out of his secret quart, and fell asleep. His room is kept chilly because he likes to snuggle up with a good flannel blanket and snack. But this temperature (I'm not sure of the science here) caused the gravy, still in his mouth and esophagas, to harden up and "congeal"!
Fast Fowrad.
I scooped out the lardy topping with two fingers as fast as I could. I had to go deep because it seemed that he kept eating for a while even after falling asleep. The nurse was able to wake him up and I'll have you all know that he's fine today, if a little shaken up and ashamed. But seniors look out for their neighbours, and you can count on them! I'm sure he would do mouth-to-mouth to me if I asked him and I'm damn happy here's here if I need it!


Wednesday, February 20, 2008

RE: HELP! Peace and Hippy Love party planning disaster

CHarlie says: Hey folks, I'm in a bit of jam! I'm planning a dinner party at the seniors residence where I live and time is running out fast! The theme for the dinner is "Peace and Love in the 1960s" and since almost all of us were grown-ups in the '60s anyway it might be fun to see what it may have been like to be young 40 years ago but today. I have suggested the theme (it hasn't been approved which is ANOTHER ehadache) but now I'm completely stuck for ideas. The only supplies I have are 5 packages of googly eyes and I can't remember if we used those back then. I'm not even sure the HIPPIES had specialty foods now that it's all set in stone: I don't know what to cook! Is there a way to make a soup out of wood stock?
Does Love, Pizza and Happiness make sense to you?

AlanB9 says: Hey, Charlie. I'll do some looking and thinking tonight and hopefully be able to help you out tomorrow. This idea is a great one and it should be super fun and actually easy once we all get thinking.
Right now all I can think of is tie-dye. Breads, cakes, etc. can be tie-dyed really easily. (That was 60's, right? Not 70's? Sorry, I wasn't born til Oct. 1969)

Be back tomorrow!!!!!

Blessmom says: I found this on There were other ideas under 50's and 60's parties, but thought this might be best. Also, flower power and tye dye was a common party decor and idea.
Good Luck!
We had a "Welcome to the 60s Party" for my husband's 60th birthday. Decorations and mood-setters included: a homemade collage poster of 60s people and events, a homemade, groovy welcome to the 60s sign in colorful bubble letters, burning incense, high school yearbooks, pictures and old newspapers from the 60s, most of the guests wore tie dye or went for a hippie look. One of the old newspapers was a Merced CA front page from the day after JFK was shot.
60s food included: (1) Velveeta and Ro-tel hot dip with chips and veggies, (2) chex mix, Also, Veveeta and chex mix--very 60s. My husband was completely unsuspecting and very surprised when he walked through the door. I told my hubby that we all loved him so very much that we just wanted to join him in the 60s for a day.

Charlie says: Thanks a bucnh guys, that should just about do it. Velveeta and chex it is, now it's all coming back to me, LAUGH OUT LOUD! I think it will be easy to just get some cheap make-up and paint peace signs on our feces to add to the mood. My favourite idea is to tell the guests (who are seniors) when they see all this grooby stuff "Well, you're in your 60s and 70s aren't you?" I will get Carol to make a C-D of everybody-going-surfing tunes as well.
I was able to find some stills of JFK being shot but I did decide that they may be too upsetting to have laying around during dinner, so I probably won't print them out. I don't think there's ink in the printer anyways.

Free Image Hosting at

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Valentines Day

Well I'm sorry friends but it's really hard. Today is the big V day.
Most of us are already alone today and have been for years. We better just face it. We're gonna die and we're gonna die soon. Gary Lemington did last night, right in his mash potatos!!!!! I miss my wife.
I remember she used to call me Mr Clean. I would flex my muscles. But not now someone stole her from the underground parking!!! We used to park and I'd have my car sparkling clean thanks to Pledge. Love ran through me like Drano through the pooper pipes. Air freshner in the air and windex blue skys. I remember applying Off to her skin on summer nights and nothing would bug us. Well I don't care what Atom says. I'm hitting the bottle today. Charlie, I won't be in chess tomorrow. If you want a shot come by my room. Here's a picture of Darling back when we met. If it even matters.
Here's to Gary!!! Best damn chess player there was!

I'm gonna miss ya Gary!!!

Monday, February 11, 2008

Small Type

I read today a letter-to-the-editor in a magazine from a senior complaining about the type being too small to see. To me this just goes to reinforce sterotypes of seniors as dithering blind bats who want everything their way! Well, it shouldn't be that way. And on behalf of 55+ I say the type is fine. If you're eye perscription is all wrong there's no need to take it out on the world's typesetters. Otherwise we'd have huge stop signs and no parkings blocking our view of the sunset at times when it really counts that we see it. And magazines will have to be as big as newspapers, and then who knows how big a newspaper would end up. (Like a set of blueprints? Twister mat?) Too big to carry, at any rate. And as for "too big" I will say this. The buttons on phones are "too small" these days and the'res too many. Whatever happened to 1-9 and * and #. Now I have to "send" my call or "enter" it. In closing, type is okay the way it is. Seniors are too "up-tight" about vision, but our fingers ARE TOO big for tiny buttons and there is NO PERSCIRPTION that can remedy this so make the buttons big or LEAVE THEM OFF!
I'm not really sure who this message should go to, so I"m just putting it here to spark the discussion (and push a few buttons) on the HOT TOPIC!

See ya later,
Charlie Fergus

Saturday, February 9, 2008

No Undershirts or service at Wall-Mart!!!! Letter to Wallmart

Looks like the big box stores that shut down small businesses (like my friend Clive's) don't care anymore. I recently contacted them and no-one got back to me. Here is my letter.

Dear Wallmart.

I used to be able to get my undershirts from my good friend Clive who's store closed it's doors years ago. Myself and my grandson Billy both need undershirts as it sure is getting cold outside. Billy told me to check your internet site. I typed undershirts in the search section and nothing comes up. I am very frustrated. All I want is some new undershirts for my grandson and I. Where on your site are the undershirts? I think there should be a seniors section on your website where seniors can get discounts on items. I am particularly interested in purchasing the complete sixth season of Dallas. Please mail me back and let me know where to find the undershirts on your site. My grandson will fill out the internet information you need to contact me.

Thank you for your time.

Mitchell Strickland.

Thursday, February 7, 2008

Melvin said that if I want to clean up the pornographic section of the Internet I would have to create an electronic e-mail so that I could write to the pornographers taking these horrific photso.

Mel made me an "address" to receive this electronic mail. It's like the address thsat we have at the home only shorter and the "post man" comes all the time instead of only once in the morning.

Carol helped me track down the electronic emails of the different pornographers at the different websites and I have already posted a few letters in the mail. I will let you know about my progress as it happens. Tahnk you for supporting my cause.

Also, one more thing before I leave--when I opened the computer today it was on the sweetest websight. Carol told me that if I type in the "urinal" (what a strange name!!!) it should be able to work so you let me know if when you come on the computer you can see it. This rewnewed my faith in the Internet. I think I'm starting to understand what Mel is always going on about. I think someone must have been "windsurfing" (haha-Mel taught me that one!) on the section of the Internet that has puppies!

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

UNPUBLISHED letter to the CBC

RE: A cotton swab in the ear can kill, Quebec coroner says

Dear CBC,
You raise valuable if shocking points in your article, "A cotton swab in the ear can kill, Quebec coroner says" . Death by Q-tip sounds like something straight out of Edgar Allan Poe but it is in fact a reality. I don't know if a warning sign on the box would help, because I honestly can't think of anything other than swabbing your ears that q-tips do well. Might as well stop making the things, as they can kill, I say. God had it right when he made our pinkys just big enough to not pierce our eardrums, and the folks at "Q-tip" could take a few "pointers" or "tips" from HIM.
And redesign their swabs promptly.
— Charlie Fergus

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

The World vs. Nature

Dear Lilley Valley,
As a senior citizen living in residence with other
golden citizens in Toronto, I unfortunately am having
a tough time figuring out a means to enjoy your resort
that in my opinion, very much reflects my bohemian
sensibilities. My question is this: Are you able to
send a batch of your nudists to our home in Toronto
and explain the positive things about being natural?
(especially to our attendant, Carol, who barely let's
me walk around with 3 buttons undone!). I will talk to
the staff here to make sure we can book the conference
room, and make sure that the heat in that room is
adequate for persons nude.

Thanks in advance,
Charles Fergus

Dear Charlie,
Unfortunately we are not able to help you with your request. I would
suggest that you contact the FCN(Federation of Canadian Naturists) who may be
able to arrange to have some people to come out to your residence. Their
website is at .
I do understand your problem. My wife who has a disability, had a great
problem with homecare personnel who insisted that she wear clothes and be
"properly dressed" after they gave her the morning bath.

Monday, February 4, 2008

When Melvin asked me to write on the Internet I was a bit confused because I thought that there was only pornography on the Internet. I said Melvin, I'm 83 year old wife and mother! But he told me that there's more than just pornography on the Internet for a mature woman such as myself. He said that there was a whole world out there to explore without leaving the home.

So I typed MATURE WOMEN into the box because so that I would find information that was relevant to me as a mature woman. I found shocking things. As a wife and mother I am completley schocked. This is completely inappropriate:

Wghen I saw what happened I started screaming! And Melvin had to come and unplug the computer because there was just so much! Nurse Howe had to come and give me my pills.

Once I calmed down and took a nap I thanked Melvin for showing me the way because I think I have found my new path in life.
I am going to clean up this Internet if this is the last thing I DO. ONE INTERNET AT A TIME.

Response from Wal-mart

This is what Walmart "emailed" me back:

to me
show details
Feb 1 (3 days ago)
Please be advised that your email has been sent to the Customer Relations Department. You will receive a response in the shortest possible time. We thank you for visiting look forward to serving you on your next visit. Thank you.

I dont get why someone would take teh time to type out that letter, but not actually respond to my question. OH WELL, I GUESS THAT'S WHAT THE WORLD IS COMING TO!!!!

Sunday, February 3, 2008


RE: Let them eat ... hot dogs!

City council desperately wants to control our “street meats!” I think they just are making up for their lack of control over EVERYTHING ELSE in this (normally) great city!!! I for one am perfectly happy with the wonderful hot dogs you can get practically ANYWHERE in the city!! There are many varieties of wieners to be had downtown, from sausages to regular “dogs” to hot dogs made entirely of vegetables!! People should try “mixin’” up their “fixin’s” if they need to “spice” up their tasty meats!! (Though I DO NOT recommend mayonnaise as it ALWAYS looks like its gone bad sitting there, all the time!)
I think that tourists feel comfortable coming here and seeing hot dogs as the “food of choice.” It’s easy to eat and reminds them of home if they’re from our neighbours to the south! And if they’re not, then they’re in for a treat! Why would I want to come from Iraq on a “holiday” and the first thing I see are filafels! I would feel very “ripped off!!!”

-Melvin “Mel” Zdarsky

Chef Charlie is part of an online "COMMUNITY"

Anyone in the building knows my favourite time of day is mealtime (breakfast, lunch, dinner, supper). I've been able to "log on" to an internet "community" and share some of my experiences with food (72 years: I think you could say I've "acquired" a lot of taste over the decades!).
Here's some of the 'hot topics' we're discussing in my community:
(By the way, when you see Charlie1250840 it's me: seems there's a lot of other Charlies in my foodcommunity, that was what they said I should call myself!)


This year my husband and i decided that our family is going to eat more healthy. We really want to start eating fish something i have never made. My question is how long should i cook it for. A lot of recipe says to cook it for 7 minutes on each side. Is that enough???


Once the batter is golden brown, pull it out of the grease vat and it's ready to go!

I don't have much experience with fish. Can I use Crisco or lard in the grease vat?

Using a "grease vat" of any kind- totally destroys the health benefits of eating fish in the first place. Preferably fish should be baked, broiled or poached until easily flakes with a fork (generally about 10 minutes per inch). If you must fry it- pan fry it in a small amount of olive or canola oil over medium (to medium-high) heat, in a non-stick skillet. Please don't dip your poor little healthy fish into a "grease-vat"- unless you happen to work at Long John Silvers (in which case you have no choice)

NEW TOPIC: Quick Comfort Food

Hi, this is Sus from Kraft.

What is your favorite way to cook up comfort food quickly? Share your favorite tips here!


Cooking in the microwave is a great way to heat up food really fast, that's one of my favorite ways to do snacks and comfort food. Some have buttons that say "baked potato" and pop"corn" but these don't affect the flavour of your food.

NEW TOPIC: Mommy playdate

I am hosting my daughter's first playdate in our home and I am so confused as to what to serve for the mommies. Most are watching what they eat so any ideas or recipes are greatly appreciated!!


A quick and easy snack is Lunchables, just buy 1.5 per mommy

I especially like the hot dog Lunchable. Teeny tiny dogs with teeny tiny buns. And always a candy treat at the end!

NEW TOPIC: A Black Walnut Warning!
I have some black walnuts that were harvested in October, cracked open and picked out early January 08, then placed in my freezer for a couple of weeks. I made a "black walnut" pie today, using the walnuts instead of pecans. The recipe called for 1/3 cup of butter or margarine. I added the butter without thinking of what the walnuts would do. After a half hour of baking, I tested it and found it needing more time. After forty-five minutes, I took it out to have a look at it. Usually, these pies are done in 25-30 minutes so something had to be up. What I found was a puddle of oil sitting on top. I grabbed a turkey baster and drew off as much oil as I could, and then sopped up more oil with four or five paper towels. Then I stuck it in the oven for eight more minutes. It finished baking, I let it cool down for several hours. It was a mess because of my fooling around with it, but it was sooooo good! I tasted the oil; it was heavily walnut flavored. All I can guess is that the nuts were very oily to begin with and the baking let the oil out. I wrote a note above the pie recipe to NOT add butter if I am going to make a black walnut pie instead of pecan. I don't know if this is a typical thing with black walnuts or not, but I thought I should pass it along.


A good story! You really drew me in when the character decided to make a pecan pie out of walnuts. I wondered where it was going at first and then all this oil started to show up! It's good the leave with a cliffhanger ending but I hope you'll add more to the post, maybe with a bit of the science behind the oily pie.
The title "A Black Walnut Warning" is great and I think could even be expanded into a series

NEW TOPIC: Pakistani Recipes

I am a Girl Scout Leader and we are coming up on Thinking Day next weekend. We pick a country that has Girl Scouts/Guides and research that country. We need to cook a food fron that country that is very simple to make. We share this food with other G.S. Troops. I have printed out "Fruit Chat" from adnanbaig68. Any other ideas? It must be made 24hrs ahead of time and needs to be served cold (have no way to keep food hot). It needs to be simple that 9-11 yr olds can do. Thanks Rita


Rice (from China) is a simple food to cook, which I believe you boil or "steam' and can be eaten cold.
Another simple food from another country is nachos, from Mexico which should be easy to do, you can just have the troops dip the nachos in salsa for the "cooking" part.
Finally, my last suggestion is from England, a mashed potatoe. I'm not sure it would taste as good if cold, but the kids would sure have fun "mashing".

Charlie.... all good suggestions but I think this poster was looking for easy recipes that can be served cold from Pakistan... I got nothing, sorry to say. But you done good for the other countries they might pick next time around...

Okay, that's it for now, Melvin's been standing BEHIND ME for TOO long but I know he doesn't like to sit in a cold chair so up I get.

Friday, February 1, 2008


This is a letter that I sent to Walmart about thier senior greeters program:

Hello. As a senior citizen Id like to thank your company for provving to the world that SENIORS CAN STILL BE USEFUL! by employing seniors as greeters at your stores. It really does boost the morale of seniors everywhere, and it is the main reason i do all of my shopping (on Wednesay trips to the mall) at your store. Also I can have a senior coffee at the McDonalds inside the store.I think that a good next step would be to have a senior be the president or CEO of walmart, to show how usefull we can really be! Thank you, Carl Theodore Mannings.

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

The Real Heroes

I don't know about you but all I hear lately is Guitar Hero this and Guitar Hero that.
Guitar Hero, Guitar Hero , Guitar Hero. My grandson and his friends won't shut their
traps about it. In my day there were real heroes like S.C Johnson or William Proctor.
Today all you have to do is pick up this damn toy and you're a hero. Well I think it's about
time we seniors have our own game. I am writing the Japanese companies Sony and
Nintendo and asking them to consider my new concept. PHONOGRAPH CHAMPION.

Thanks to Nurse Cindy for putting this mock up together.
If anyone can help translate my letter to Japanese let me know.

Friday, January 25, 2008

UNAPPRECIATED customer feedback!

A message to Kraft,
I've enjoyed stacking crackers with lean ham and swiss cheese for more than 2o years now, I'd say, and I thank you for that! Lunchables are terrific, but unfortunately only for lunch!

I've a unique concept to expand the customer base considerably and keep the regulars coming back for meal-after-meal. This can be done with little change to the original product as well (lunchables).
The idea is Dinnerables. What's new, and what makes it dinner is this, I will tell you. It would be another plastic compartment only this time with gravy (for dipping). This elevates the meal above a simple "lunch" and plops it into a whole new category: supper.
What do you think.

Charles Fergus
Toronto Ontario Canada

SO FAR NOTHING FROM KRAFT! Typical big company ignoring the customers who make their products worth producting!

RE: Product Idea
Firstly, I would like to thank you for making a
quality confectionary that I've been able to enjoy
sucking for many years. The only thing wrong with the
product is this: there's only one of them.

My question (proposal?) involves the same creamy
butter recipe found in original Werther's® but this
time kept in its liquid state and served as a
beverage. A dessert beverage, to have after or between
meals. Serving sizes could range from a 355ml can to a
2 litre bottle to bring to parties where laughs,
stories and sweet sweet drinks are enjoyed.
Please consider my idea and where possible,
compensating me for use of it, though the only true reward
will be a tall, luke-warm glass of Werther's® like I've
been thinking about. I am available for taste-tasting
if needed.
Thank you for your time and as you might say in
Australia, "top o' the morning, mate!"

Charles Fergus,
Toronto Ontario

SO FAR NOTHING FROM WERTHER! Typical big company ignoring the customers who make their products worth sucking!

One thing is for sure and that's people don't respect a chemical man.  If it wasn't for guys like me then people wouldn't have their damn swimming pools,  stained doors & decks,  clean ovens, or 
shaving creams.  People would be walking around saying " I don't know where to Swim,  I got a splinter on my cracked deck, the wife's legs are hairyer than ever, and her baking is starting to taste like 8 years of oven build up.  You know what I'm saying. I think Melvin has started something great here.  A place where seniors can connect without the far walk.   Just like when two or more elements are combined into one substance through a chemical reaction and form a compound we seniors can connect too and form I guess an ideas compound.  We are like Atoms bonded together here and if the right solvents are added then we will get great reaction!!! 
My son Atom and his son Billy have both got me into the internet recently and I am having fun. My wife was abducted from the underground garage at our home and I have had troubles since. 
Anyway this is Melvin's internet and I don't want to write too much today.   Here are some photographs to look at.  Me and Gary at the plant in 59,  Me up on the roof . Oh what a terriffic day that was.   One of the labs in the plant exploded and we took the week off.  Darling took this shot on our vacation.  I was always scaring her by climbing buildings.   The last pic is me and ma visiting my Dad at work who also was a chemical man.    I will try to check in here on computer night.  Melvin's page is on this computer and we don't always get the same computer so I will check when I get computer # 5.     ok bye for now. 

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Crossword Error

Dear The Toronto Star,
As an senior citizen and avid crossword enthusiast I feel it is my duty to alert you to some mistakes made in your national newspaper today. Rectifying them in tomorrow's edition will certainly increase my own future enjoyment, and hopefully save your paper unneeded embarrassment.

In today's crossword entitled Sudoku there were an unusually large amount of very perplexing printing errors. I'm sure once your staff has a look at the page they will immediately see these bizarre mistakes of which I speak. I'm not familiar with the computer, but I will venture a guess that it might be to blame.

I eagerly look forward to tomorrow's corrected puzzle. It will be my first in many years thanks to recent cataract surgery.

Thank you.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

New kid on the block

Melvin's blob has gotten a lot of attention around here mainly due to the spank pictures he found but I'm glad to see he's invited a few of us to share some of our ideas in his corner, so to balance out the ideas and even out some of the perspectives you see in this web corner. Because all of us here don't allways agree with Melvin but we can agree on one thing: our [seniors] 2 cents isn't heard (and it's worth more than 10).
About me:
My name is Charlie Fergus, and I'm 72 years of age. I've worked many jobs including firstly, clown, and later, stay-at-home telemarketer and mostley (34years) food court security in Southridge mall, Sudbury Ontario Canada. Plus many in between!
Well, that's it for now, stay tuned for more from me, and the rest as we try to make this a worthwhile blob for everyone not just senors.

Free Image Hosting at
Up to my tricks

Free Image Hosting at
around 1970

Free Image Hosting at
Call security! (not my desk)

Sunday, January 20, 2008

Thanks for the Spank!!! (Your own good)!

“Spanking” is a hot-button topic issue! A friend of mine e-mailed me a website address that I clicked on and went to, here:

Some of the type is pretty tiny and / or italiancized so I’ll “sum it up” for you here!: It’s a nice, well-thought out “website” that says God (AND Jesus) wants men to spank their wives if they’ve done things wrong, like burnt their pancakes because they were busy watching their “soap operas” or did something else that’s WRONG!!!

God gave women CABOOSES made for “ABOOSES” (abuses) as can be seen in women’s more ample behind (though I’m one to talk!!!). This extra cushioning does make it a pretty open-and-shut-case-for spanking women. It is often my experience too when watching TV that perhaps “women of colour” have larger bottoms which may mean that they’re god-willingly supposed to be spanked even more by their “men of colour partners!!!” I don’t know everything on such matters I just call them like I see them (big)!

Wendy and I were a pretty good Christian Couple and, as such, we believed that I was the “boss” and she was “underneath” me, but also, my PARTNER, and sometimes, my boss (I did work for her at Canada Post for several years before Wendell was born and then again several years later after Melanie was also born).
I can only recall “spanking” Wendy a few dozen times, but they were always for something that she did wrong that made me look bad at a party or in the stands at a baseball game. It was, I feel, to this very day, necessary.

Now, for “full disclosure,” I have to say that turnabout is fair play!!! There were times at work where I would “mess up” and do things wrong, like accidentally running water pipes where they shouldn’t go (into electrical boxes)!!! And Wendy would call me into her office as acting Manager of Custodial Services and force me to undo my coveralls and grab the far corners of her oak desk. She would “let me have it” for my entire lunch hour. I was so hungry and sore by the end of the day, but I NEVER laid a hand on her during work hours. I respected the Canada Post chain of command too much.

So, in closing, I enjoyed my time spanking Wendy and wished I could do it all over again, but she’s being spanked by another man (Italian) now and I’ve accepted that, for what it’s “worth.” Please don’t be afraid in these political-correct times to stand up to your special lady friend and pat her BOTTOM now and again!!!. It is a sign of love and respect from you that signifies she needs to love and respect you more and isn’t love and respect what marriage is all about? ANSWER: Yes!!!


Friday, January 4, 2008

(Unpublished letter t the TORONTO Star!) It's a DOG'S world if you're a SENIOR who CARES!


Hallelujah!!! I for one am VERY glad to see off-leash parks get a BITE taken out of them! I'm 78 years YOUNG and I really enjoy walks through parks and the squirrels that I feed, some pretty "cool dudes" that I see almost every week.

I don;t move too quickly and for some reason this AGITATES dogs!! They come yelping and yipping at me like NOBODY'S business and it always scares me half to death! Their owners insist that they're harmless, but if they're really HARMLESS then why did God give them such sharp teeth, wiselady? Anyway, I kicked a dog once, right in the belly and he died. I felt terrible for a SECOND, but he was barking so loudly at me I was sure he was going to attack me and my friend Jacqueline can back me up on that!!

Dog owners need to drop their big sense of "entitlement" and hear what the PEOPLE have to say on this subject! People, in case they didn't notice, are more IMPORTANT than dogs who simply put cannot vote.

Thank you,
Melvin Zdarsky

(NOTE: Above CARTOON was by "Google!")