Tuesday, October 19, 2010


Dear Toronto Sun,

Sue (Ann) Levy is once again RIGHT (no surprise)! There is a party happening at city hall and ONLY the (fancy) coffee-sipping INTELLIGENT ELITES are invited and I'm not!!!! People who are so "scared" of ROB FORD need to wake up and "smell" the working class coffee ("Timmies"!!YUM!) I am 79 years YOUNG and almost 80 (don't remind me!) and I remember a time in this city where the roads were so "smooth" you couldnt even walk on them in your socks for fear of slippin' and "crackin'" your noggin'' open and bleedin' (to death). Parks had longh, beautiful GRASS up to my shins and you didn't go to JAIL overnight for simply arguing a little bit with your neighbour!!!!

It seems to me (your avergae guy) that the OTHER guy ("Slitherman") just doesn't RESPECT TAXPAYERS, which is everyone except for the hobos, and spends all of my money on things!! If I want to support the "arts" I'll go buy tickets for Jersey Boys again, don't just go and give my HARD-EARNED money to trash like MAMAMIA and "paintings"!!! Blechh!!

In any way, the POINT here is that Ford is NOT "scary!" He is a nice guy probably who I personally would like to have a "beer" with if my friend Carol would let me (she won't)! He's not some sort of "booger man" who wants to harm/touch my grandson, Billy, he's a "coach" who just wants Billy to play some football which would frankly help him out a lot because he is turning into a girl (modern boy).

What we NEED to be scared of are "modern" teens(agers)!! When I go for walks around the block, I sometimes run into these "teens" and they are SO LOUD and the words they use sometimes arent even English, even though some of them are white, like US!! I'm NOT racist, but if a teen mexican tried to use "kung fu" on me I would have NO CHOICE but to SHOOT THEM with my gun that I DO NOT ADMIT THAT I HAVE, CAROL. On October 26 I'm voting Rob Ford.

-"Mel" Zdarsky!

Saturday, October 4, 2008

Maybe for someone you KNOW?????

A "very" nice man contacted me on FACEDBOOK to give me some "help" with a bunch of things!!!! It turns out I can't "actually" be HELPED, but I fig'red some of my LOYAL READERS may have need of being "serviced" by this nice man! Let me know and I'll "hook" you up!!!!
-Melvin "Mel" Zdarsky!


Aron Glenford Airall
April 29 at 12:52pm
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Hi Melvin,
Nice to meet you and thanks for the add (no pun intended). How are you doing? Am looking to help fulfill a need, improved health, well-being, quality of life or helping people make money, save money, get out of debt, and provide people with an opportunity to run their own office. If this is not of interest to you or someone you love, am sorry to intrude. Take care!

Melvin Zdarsky
April 29 at 12:58pm

Wow!!! HOw are you able to do all that??? I am 79 years old so I can "always" use more money and better health!!! LOL!!!

Aron Glenford Airall
April 29 at 1:24pm
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Anything is possible with God Melvin! Let's start with your health first Melvin. How are you doing? Don't feel like running 5km? Got something for you. Our mission is to help you achieve wellness naturally and get you well inside out with chiropractic, and also to help those who are needlessly suffering. Chiropractic has never been about back or neck pain. The questions to ask Melvin are:
Do you believe that your body is functioning at 100%? How long do you want to live? What quality of life? You are going to make health care choices Melvin. The choice that you make tonight will impact you and your family for years to come. Research shows that patients under Network Care reported significant improvements in overall health, well-being, and quality of life.

Chiropractic Health Associates is offering an initial examination
and two follow-up appointments (valued at $155) for only $40
for the first 10 people with this ad until April 30.

No medical referral is necessary
In health,

Aron Glenford Airall
April 29 at 1:25pm
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As for wealth Melvin,
Ever thought of running your own business and being your own boss? We will provide you with training. No financial degree or background is necessary be your own boss at Primerica Financial Services. The only qualifications you need to have is that you have leadership skills, be a "good" person that likes to help people, 9.5 attitude, hard working, and coachable. For more info you can check out our website at www.primerica.com and/or womeninprimerica.com if you know any men or women that may be interested. Looking forward to hearing from you soon.

Primerica Financial Services
Primerica Financial Services
Source: www.primerica.com
Primerica is in the business of changing lives. Our mission is to help families become debt free and financially independent.

Melvin Zdarsky
April 29 at 3:34pm

Jeez Louise! I can't even WALK 5km!!! My nurse has actually told me that my body is "functioning" at 15%, but that's mostly due to my dead arm and my kidney cancer (IN REMISSION!!).

As for running my own business, I can't even imagine!!! I help out with raffles in the neighbourhood, but only for ten minutes at a time (I get SO TIRED!!) I do have $2,000 in savings though. Do you think Primamerica is for me????


Aron Glenford Airall
April 29 at 4:23pm
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Wow Mel!
For the initial examination it will take about 15 minutes to complete the paperwork. These forms will give us information about your health status. The 1st form is your informed consent form. The 2nd form is your patient privacy consent form. The 3rd, 4th, and 5th forms are your comprehensive health profile. The cost of your initial examination when you come in this week Jeff is valued at $155.00 which consists of a thorough neurological, orthopedic, physical, postural, and spinal examination, looking for subluxations that will cause many unwanted health problems, things that nobody has ever looked for before, and an adjustment done on the same day. Mel, not to mention your second appointment, your report of findings, and second adjustment. You will leave here with a much more comprehensive view of your body and health. Is that O.K Mel?

Aron Glenford Airall
April 29 at 4:26pm
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Well Mel the first thing to understand is that you are going into the business of changing lives. In order to get you started we need to set-up an interview at our office 951 Wilson Ave Unit 4 (Keele & Wilson) on Wednesday May 7 from 7:00pm-8:30pm or Saturday May 3 from 9:45am-12:30pm. If you qualify or this is of interest to you Mel we will fill out an Independent Business Application for $99 and for an additional $25/month receive our incredible business building support system via full-service Primerica Online. You can work the business anyway you want to as long as it is compliant with the financial services commission of Ontario and Primerica. As for work you will be meeting clients at their homes, your home, the office or anywhere that is conducive to their needs. Outside of that Mell, you will need to be committed to meeting at the office on Wednesday nights from 7:00pm-8:30pm and Saturday mornings from 9:30am-12:30pm. After you sign your independent business application we will set-up an appointment with our Regional Vice President Daniel Pirillo to schedule your training. Payment qualifies you to get your life licensing and securities fees paid for. Training is analogous to an apprenticeship. Daniel is a six figure income earner, so you will be taught by only the best. If you want more information come to the office or you can speak to Daniel Pirillo at the office 416.245.6397. Is that O.K with you Mel?

Melvin Zdarsky
April 29 at 4:49pm

" Wednesday nights from 7:00pm-8:30pm "

Can't do it!!! That's "Wild Wednesdays" here at my SENIORS complex. We have a GREAT spread of wonderful "meats" and I'm in charge of gravying, which may not sound like "much," but I had to wait for Phil Snel to "pass on" in order to get the position and Charlie is itching to grab my "ladel!!" I can;t miss Wednesdays. Besides, I can;t be outside past 8.

I'm terrible with paperowrk! I always let my nephew "Chip" look over everything as he also has my Attorney Power. I will have to let him see these "forms!"


Aron Glenford Airall
April 29 at 10:51pm
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Sorry to hear that Mel.

Thursday, June 26, 2008

REGIS & KELLY pt 2: Judith Light Goes AWOL

Kelly was in a panic. There was nothing that could calm her down. Gelman brought in all of her 3 kids from school to cheer her up but the show still had to go on. THere were 3 extra kids in the building, but one less Judith Light, who was scheduled to appear shortly on the program. Regis looked bewildered at the row of Who's THe BOss fans sitting adjacent to the worried Gelman. What were they to do?
Just then, the lights went out. You could hear Morgan Freeman and the Chieftains in the dark screaming. The lights came on and Gellman was standing there, dripping wet. But with him, was someone who was there to solve the case. Mona.
From WHo's the BOss.
Mona turned the lights on rapidly. "EVERYONE REMAIN CALM" she belched. Gelman gave her the signal "Commercial break is over in 10 seconds". "Not much time to solve this mystery" Mona bellowed as she went through all the clues. The camera man zoomed into the clues, into their molecule structure, and reported the information to Mona. Into her ear.
"She's at her lovely home in Arizona" MOna whispered, then repeated at top volume. "It was suposed to be a PHONE appearance on regis and KELLY!" She demanded.
Dial tone. Brrrring. Brrrring. "Hello? Judith Ellen Light speaking?"
"We're on in 5, 4, 3...." Gelman proclaimed (by signal).
"Reeg here, we're on the line with our first guest, Who's is That Boss star Tony Danza" Regis Philbin blurted nervously. Kelly Ripa interjected with stamina "Reeg, it's ANgela on the phone, Tony's WHo's the BOss love interest. HI JUDITH" She said as she winked at the off-camera MONA who calmly put the clues in her teal dufflebag, winking at the camera man (who she thought was a hunk). The two would later see each other on and off, but nothing would come of it.
"Regus said" "I got it wrong again!" at which everyone laughe d and said "OOhh Reeeg." Although Kelly was genuinely displeased.

Friday, June 13, 2008

Fan Fiction

The mornings are pretty routine around here but theafternoons leave something to be desired. Namely,some of the good times had in the mornings. I fancy myself an amature writer and have begun a series of fiction stories, which are an extension of one of my favorite porgrams. Mainly it fills the time until the next episode, when I'm really thinking about it but if it turns out that someone else enjoys reading these than I've done two jobs! Thanks for listening

One Life to Live with Regis and Kelly
A Short Story By Charles Fergus

"Gellman!" Where's Gellman?" Regis blurted as he sipped his hot expensive New York coffee. "He's over there" Kelly exclaimed, as she brushed away a badgering make up artist. "You're on the air in 5, 4, 3..." Gellman screamed from a dark corner as the show's memorable theme song precipitated upon the excited audience with vigour. The show was on.
Regis rolled through the "cue" cards and jibbered and jabbered away as usual, often interupted by his long time co-host Kelly Ripa, who seemed to have a never ending supply of annecdotes. At times the two of them were screaming, but it never got too heated. After what seemed like 20 minutes, Regis asked Kelly about the guest line up.
"You're not going to belive this Reej" said Kelly, knowing full well that Regis would believe it. He organized it.
"Judith Light is here. And so is Morgan Freeman. The musical guest is the Chieftains"
"What a line up" said Regis, barely controlling himself from screaming.
The audience went nuts. Everyone was so excited for the rest of the show. It was time for a commercial break. But that is when Gellman delivered the bad news.
"Regis" He signaled with a wave. "Bad news". "Judith Light went AWOL".

Next time: Judith Light goes AWOL

Tuesday, April 29, 2008


(This link is for the "Story")

I don't know much about "Miley Cyrus," because I'm a little outside of her age "demographic!!!!! (LOL!!! I am 78 years old)" BUT, as I opened my copy of the best newspaper in town (yours (Toronto Sun)) today and saw this Vanity Fair "photo" of her I was IMMEDIATELY attracted and felt a very deep stirring for her!! Imagine my surprise when I found out she was only 15 YEARS OLD!!!! The exact same age plus two years of my grandson, Barry!! I was TRICKED by Vanity "Fair" into being attracted to a CHILD which is the "worst" thing I could ever imagine!!

I felt very nauseous but was reassured by Joe Warmington's measured response. As he stated, he is a CLOSE, PERSONAL friend of Miley's father, Bill Ray, and I can only assume that he will send him a TERSE, but FAIR "e-mail" telling him that he is a poor father. It is a shame that legally you can't take kids away from "celebrities," as that is how Drew Barrymore became what she is today (I think you know what I'm "talking" about).

Anyways, I appreciate that you suggested I go to your website, http://www.torontosun.com/miley for seventeen CLEANER photos of this cutey girl star!!! Those photos leave something to the imagination and made me realize a little something about the sexualizingation of our "children." By leaving something to my "imagination" you make me have to decide whether or not to do any "imagining," i.e: being a PERVERT. But when you show me pictures where my imagination doesn't need to do ANYTHING and I am ATTRACTED, then it is YOUR fault because you have done the "dirty work" and I have nothing to be ashamed of. Case over.

-Melvin "Mel" Zdarsky

Monday, March 3, 2008

CLOSE CALL: Gravy dangers

Well folks, you haven't heard from us in a few days, but there's a reason. We had a close clal here at "the rez". It involved Melvin's health.
I was planning a hippy-themed party for the residents here and was going through all kinds of bull trying to make it happen. But the staff here said they didn't know about the party and it wasn't okay for me to throw it even after all the work I had started. In protest I decided to see if blogmaster Mel wanted to try some of my velveeta and chex like in the 60s. What I found was a suprise.
Melvin was un-conscious in "his" chair. "Nurse!" I yelled, pressing the nurse button while saying "Nurse!". I knew I had to act fast. I'm no pansy-boy but I knew mouth-to-mouth was what could save Melvin right then and there and that's what I did. But something was. wrong His mouth was caked close with a pasty substance, like so many poly-filled holes in walls of places I once lived.
What had happened was this. Melvin had been eating gravy out of his secret quart, and fell asleep. His room is kept chilly because he likes to snuggle up with a good flannel blanket and snack. But this temperature (I'm not sure of the science here) caused the gravy, still in his mouth and esophagas, to harden up and "congeal"!
Fast Fowrad.
I scooped out the lardy topping with two fingers as fast as I could. I had to go deep because it seemed that he kept eating for a while even after falling asleep. The nurse was able to wake him up and I'll have you all know that he's fine today, if a little shaken up and ashamed. But seniors look out for their neighbours, and you can count on them! I'm sure he would do mouth-to-mouth to me if I asked him and I'm damn happy here's here if I need it!