Thursday, June 26, 2008

REGIS & KELLY pt 2: Judith Light Goes AWOL

Kelly was in a panic. There was nothing that could calm her down. Gelman brought in all of her 3 kids from school to cheer her up but the show still had to go on. THere were 3 extra kids in the building, but one less Judith Light, who was scheduled to appear shortly on the program. Regis looked bewildered at the row of Who's THe BOss fans sitting adjacent to the worried Gelman. What were they to do?
Just then, the lights went out. You could hear Morgan Freeman and the Chieftains in the dark screaming. The lights came on and Gellman was standing there, dripping wet. But with him, was someone who was there to solve the case. Mona.
From WHo's the BOss.
Mona turned the lights on rapidly. "EVERYONE REMAIN CALM" she belched. Gelman gave her the signal "Commercial break is over in 10 seconds". "Not much time to solve this mystery" Mona bellowed as she went through all the clues. The camera man zoomed into the clues, into their molecule structure, and reported the information to Mona. Into her ear.
"She's at her lovely home in Arizona" MOna whispered, then repeated at top volume. "It was suposed to be a PHONE appearance on regis and KELLY!" She demanded.
Dial tone. Brrrring. Brrrring. "Hello? Judith Ellen Light speaking?"
"We're on in 5, 4, 3...." Gelman proclaimed (by signal).
"Reeg here, we're on the line with our first guest, Who's is That Boss star Tony Danza" Regis Philbin blurted nervously. Kelly Ripa interjected with stamina "Reeg, it's ANgela on the phone, Tony's WHo's the BOss love interest. HI JUDITH" She said as she winked at the off-camera MONA who calmly put the clues in her teal dufflebag, winking at the camera man (who she thought was a hunk). The two would later see each other on and off, but nothing would come of it.
"Regus said" "I got it wrong again!" at which everyone laughe d and said "OOhh Reeeg." Although Kelly was genuinely displeased.

Friday, June 13, 2008

Fan Fiction

The mornings are pretty routine around here but theafternoons leave something to be desired. Namely,some of the good times had in the mornings. I fancy myself an amature writer and have begun a series of fiction stories, which are an extension of one of my favorite porgrams. Mainly it fills the time until the next episode, when I'm really thinking about it but if it turns out that someone else enjoys reading these than I've done two jobs! Thanks for listening

One Life to Live with Regis and Kelly
A Short Story By Charles Fergus

"Gellman!" Where's Gellman?" Regis blurted as he sipped his hot expensive New York coffee. "He's over there" Kelly exclaimed, as she brushed away a badgering make up artist. "You're on the air in 5, 4, 3..." Gellman screamed from a dark corner as the show's memorable theme song precipitated upon the excited audience with vigour. The show was on.
Regis rolled through the "cue" cards and jibbered and jabbered away as usual, often interupted by his long time co-host Kelly Ripa, who seemed to have a never ending supply of annecdotes. At times the two of them were screaming, but it never got too heated. After what seemed like 20 minutes, Regis asked Kelly about the guest line up.
"You're not going to belive this Reej" said Kelly, knowing full well that Regis would believe it. He organized it.
"Judith Light is here. And so is Morgan Freeman. The musical guest is the Chieftains"
"What a line up" said Regis, barely controlling himself from screaming.
The audience went nuts. Everyone was so excited for the rest of the show. It was time for a commercial break. But that is when Gellman delivered the bad news.
"Regis" He signaled with a wave. "Bad news". "Judith Light went AWOL".

Next time: Judith Light goes AWOL