LETTER TO THE TORONTO SUN, RE: IT SHOULD BE SHAME ON VANITY FAIR AND ANNIE LEIBOVITZ FOR MILEY CYRUS' EXPLOITIVE SEMI-NUDE PHOTO SPREAD, JOE WARMINGTO

(This link is for the "Story")
I don't know much about "Miley Cyrus," because I'm a little outside of her age "demographic!!!!! (LOL!!! I am 78 years old)" BUT, as I opened my copy of the best newspaper in town (yours (Toronto Sun)) today and saw this Vanity Fair "photo" of her I was IMMEDIATELY attracted and felt a very deep stirring for her!! Imagine my surprise when I found out she was only 15 YEARS OLD!!!! The exact same age plus two years of my grandson, Barry!! I was TRICKED by Vanity "Fair" into being attracted to a CHILD which is the "worst" thing I could ever imagine!!

I felt very nauseous but was reassured by Joe Warmington's measured response. As he stated, he is a CLOSE, PERSONAL friend of Miley's father, Bill Ray, and I can only assume that he will send him a TERSE, but FAIR "e-mail" telling him that he is a poor father. It is a shame that legally you can't take kids away from "celebrities," as that is how Drew Barrymore became what she is today (I think you know what I'm "talking" about).

Anyways, I appreciate that you suggested I go to your website, http://www.torontosun.com/miley for seventeen CLEANER photos of this cutey girl star!!! Those photos leave something to the imagination and made me realize a little something about the sexualizingation of our "children." By leaving something to my "imagination" you make me have to decide whether or not to do any "imagining," i.e: being a PERVERT. But when you show me pictures where my imagination doesn't need to do ANYTHING and I am ATTRACTED, then it is YOUR fault because you have done the "dirty work" and I have nothing to be ashamed of. Case over.

-Melvin "Mel" Zdarsky

CLOSE CALL: Gravy dangers

Well folks, you haven't heard from us in a few days, but there's a reason. We had a close clal here at "the rez". It involved Melvin's health.
I was planning a hippy-themed party for the residents here and was going through all kinds of bull trying to make it happen. But the staff here said they didn't know about the party and it wasn't okay for me to throw it even after all the work I had started. In protest I decided to see if blogmaster Mel wanted to try some of my velveeta and chex like in the 60s. What I found was a suprise.
Melvin was un-conscious in "his" chair. "Nurse!" I yelled, pressing the nurse button while saying "Nurse!". I knew I had to act fast. I'm no pansy-boy but I knew mouth-to-mouth was what could save Melvin right then and there and that's what I did. But something was. wrong His mouth was caked close with a pasty substance, like so many poly-filled holes in walls of places I once lived.
Rewind.
What had happened was this. Melvin had been eating gravy out of his secret quart, and fell asleep. His room is kept chilly because he likes to snuggle up with a good flannel blanket and snack. But this temperature (I'm not sure of the science here) caused the gravy, still in his mouth and esophagas, to harden up and "congeal"!
Fast Fowrad.
I scooped out the lardy topping with two fingers as fast as I could. I had to go deep because it seemed that he kept eating for a while even after falling asleep. The nurse was able to wake him up and I'll have you all know that he's fine today, if a little shaken up and ashamed. But seniors look out for their neighbours, and you can count on them! I'm sure he would do mouth-to-mouth to me if I asked him and I'm damn happy here's here if I need it!

Charlie

RE: HELP! Peace and Hippy Love party planning disaster

CHarlie says: Hey folks, I'm in a bit of jam! I'm planning a dinner party at the seniors residence where I live and time is running out fast! The theme for the dinner is "Peace and Love in the 1960s" and since almost all of us were grown-ups in the '60s anyway it might be fun to see what it may have been like to be young 40 years ago but today. I have suggested the theme (it hasn't been approved which is ANOTHER ehadache) but now I'm completely stuck for ideas. The only supplies I have are 5 packages of googly eyes and I can't remember if we used those back then. I'm not even sure the HIPPIES had specialty foods now that it's all set in stone: I don't know what to cook! Is there a way to make a soup out of wood stock?
Does Love, Pizza and Happiness make sense to you?

AlanB9 says: Hey, Charlie. I'll do some looking and thinking tonight and hopefully be able to help you out tomorrow. This idea is a great one and it should be super fun and actually easy once we all get thinking.
Right now all I can think of is tie-dye. Breads, cakes, etc. can be tie-dyed really easily. (That was 60's, right? Not 70's? Sorry, I wasn't born til Oct. 1969)

Be back tomorrow!!!!!

Blessmom says: I found this on ww.birthdaypartyideas.com There were other ideas under 50's and 60's parties, but thought this might be best. Also, flower power and tye dye was a common party decor and idea.
Good Luck!
We had a "Welcome to the 60s Party" for my husband's 60th birthday. Decorations and mood-setters included: a homemade collage poster of 60s people and events, a homemade, groovy welcome to the 60s sign in colorful bubble letters, burning incense, high school yearbooks, pictures and old newspapers from the 60s, most of the guests wore tie dye or went for a hippie look. One of the old newspapers was a Merced CA front page from the day after JFK was shot.
60s food included: (1) Velveeta and Ro-tel hot dip with chips and veggies, (2) chex mix, Also, Veveeta and chex mix--very 60s. My husband was completely unsuspecting and very surprised when he walked through the door. I told my hubby that we all loved him so very much that we just wanted to join him in the 60s for a day.


Charlie says: Thanks a bucnh guys, that should just about do it. Velveeta and chex it is, now it's all coming back to me, LAUGH OUT LOUD! I think it will be easy to just get some cheap make-up and paint peace signs on our feces to add to the mood. My favourite idea is to tell the guests (who are seniors) when they see all this grooby stuff "Well, you're in your 60s and 70s aren't you?" I will get Carol to make a C-D of everybody-going-surfing tunes as well.
I was able to find some stills of JFK being shot but I did decide that they may be too upsetting to have laying around during dinner, so I probably won't print them out. I don't think there's ink in the printer anyways.

Valentines Day

Well I'm sorry friends but it's really hard. Today is the big V day.
Most of us are already alone today and have been for years. We better just face it. We're gonna die and we're gonna die soon. Gary Lemington did last night, right in his mash potatos!!!!! I miss my wife.
I remember she used to call me Mr Clean. I would flex my muscles. But not now someone stole her from the underground parking!!! We used to park and I'd have my car sparkling clean thanks to Pledge. Love ran through me like Drano through the pooper pipes. Air freshner in the air and windex blue skys. I remember applying Off to her skin on summer nights and nothing would bug us. Well I don't care what Atom says. I'm hitting the bottle today. Charlie, I won't be in chess tomorrow. If you want a shot come by my room. Here's a picture of Darling back when we met. If it even matters.
Here's to Gary!!! Best damn chess player there was!

I'm gonna miss ya Gary!!!

Small Type

I read today a letter-to-the-editor in a magazine from a senior complaining about the type being too small to see. To me this just goes to reinforce sterotypes of seniors as dithering blind bats who want everything their way! Well, it shouldn't be that way. And on behalf of 55+ I say the type is fine. If you're eye perscription is all wrong there's no need to take it out on the world's typesetters. Otherwise we'd have huge stop signs and no parkings blocking our view of the sunset at times when it really counts that we see it. And magazines will have to be as big as newspapers, and then who knows how big a newspaper would end up. (Like a set of blueprints? Twister mat?) Too big to carry, at any rate. And as for "too big" I will say this. The buttons on phones are "too small" these days and the'res too many. Whatever happened to 1-9 and * and #. Now I have to "send" my call or "enter" it. In closing, type is okay the way it is. Seniors are too "up-tight" about vision, but our fingers ARE TOO big for tiny buttons and there is NO PERSCIRPTION that can remedy this so make the buttons big or LEAVE THEM OFF!
I'm not really sure who this message should go to, so I"m just putting it here to spark the discussion (and push a few buttons) on the HOT TOPIC!

See ya later,
Charlie Fergus

No Undershirts or service at Wall-Mart!!!! Letter to Wallmart

Looks like the big box stores that shut down small businesses (like my friend Clive's) don't care anymore. I recently contacted them and no-one got back to me. Here is my letter.


Dear Wallmart.

I used to be able to get my undershirts from my good friend Clive who's store closed it's doors years ago. Myself and my grandson Billy both need undershirts as it sure is getting cold outside. Billy told me to check your internet site. I typed undershirts in the search section and nothing comes up. I am very frustrated. All I want is some new undershirts for my grandson and I. Where on your site are the undershirts? I think there should be a seniors section on your website where seniors can get discounts on items. I am particularly interested in purchasing the complete sixth season of Dallas. Please mail me back and let me know where to find the undershirts on your site. My grandson will fill out the internet information you need to contact me.

Thank you for your time.

Mitchell Strickland.

Melvin said that if I want to clean up the pornographic section of the Internet I would have to create an electronic e-mail so that I could write to the pornographers taking these horrific photso.

Mel made me an "address" to receive this electronic mail. It's like the address thsat we have at the home only shorter and the "post man" comes all the time instead of only once in the morning.

Carol helped me track down the electronic emails of the different pornographers at the different websites and I have already posted a few letters in the mail. I will let you know about my progress as it happens. Tahnk you for supporting my cause.

Also, one more thing before I leave--when I opened the computer today it was on the sweetest websight. Carol told me that if I type in the "urinal" (what a strange name!!!) it should be able to work so you let me know if when you come on the computer you can see it. http://warmandfuzzyfeeling.com/ This rewnewed my faith in the Internet. I think I'm starting to understand what Mel is always going on about. I think someone must have been "windsurfing" (haha-Mel taught me that one!) on the section of the Internet that has puppies!